The Catholic Coaching Podcast

Phlegmatics & Conflict: How to Stop Sacrificing Peace for Quick Relief

Erin and Matt Ingold Season 3 Episode 305

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0:00 | 31:17

Welcome back to The Catholic Coaching Podcast with Matt and Erin! In Episode 305, we are continuing our sub-series on how different temperaments navigate healthy, holy conflict resolution. Today, we are putting the "Peaceful Phlegmatic" in the hot seat. 

Have you ever walked away from a difficult conversation feeling relieved that it's over, only to realize later that you never actually said what you needed to say? 

Phlegmatics possess an incredible superpower: they are naturally calm under pressure, patient, and excellent mediators. However, their deep aversion to rocking the boat can lead them to use "assuming goodwill" or quick compliance as an escape hatch to avoid the discomfort of real, arduous conversations.

In this episode, Matt and Erin walk through the 4-part PACE framework (Pause, Assume Goodwill, Clarify, Engage) specifically tailored for Phlegmatics:
• The difference between true, lasting peace and temporary emotional relief.
• How Phlegmatics inadvertently confuse "processing" an emotion with completely suppressing or ignoring it.
• Practical scripts and strategies for bringing your honest thoughts to the table during the Clarify phase.
• Why a passive-aggressive "yes" hurts relationships, and how to practice the virtue of fortitude to build stable, reliable harmony.

As St. Thomas Aquinas famously said, "The things that we love tell us what we are." Phlegmatics, do you love true relational peace, or are you settling for mere relief?

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