The Catholic Coaching Podcast

301. Stop Winning Arguments In Your Head! How to FACE Your Anger

Erin and Matt Ingold Season 3 Episode 301

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0:00 | 45:45

Have you ever used the "Ostrich Approach" to a difficult relationship, hid from a hard conversation, and ended up winning 50 different imaginary arguments inside your own head?

Welcome back to The Catholic Coaching Podcast! In Episode 301, Matt and Erin are diving deeper into our conflict resolution series. Last week, we introduced the PACE framework (Pause, Assume Goodwill, Clarify, Engage). But the big question is: What actually happens inside that very first step—the Pause? Sometimes we abuse the pause to stew in resentment, or we skip it entirely and react out of unregulated emotion. To fix this, we are introducing a powerful new tool in this episode: The FACE Framework.

When anger shows up, it's easy to give it a bad rap. But drawing from St. Thomas Aquinas and Catechism #1767, we unpack how anger is actually a morally neutral, complex passion made of two hidden components: Sorrow and Hope.

To process your anger cleanly before reason kicks in, you have to FACE it:

F – Find the Sorrow: What is the good thing you love that you perceive is being threatened or harmed?

A – Assess the Story: Is your narrative a court-of-law fact, or are you editorializing?

C – Challenge the Narrative: What fruits are you getting from this story, and how could the opposite be true?

E – Examine the Hope: What do you want your anger to actually accomplish? (Restoring justice vs. seeking punishment).

We walk through a highly relatable "Odd Couple" college roommate scenario featuring Brian (a highly ordered Melancholic) and Andy (a carefree Sanguine) to show RAs, ministry leaders, and coaches exactly how to accompany someone through a heated moment without falling into "story fondling."

Whether you’re dealing with a difficult coworker, a spouse, or navigating campus ministry, learning to purify your anger will completely transform your relationships.

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